I changed a plan, which is shocking for me.
I had originally scheduled a completely different blog post for this week but I’ve been reading through the gospel of Matthew for months and it just so happened I got to Jesus’ death and resurrection a couple weeks before Easter.
So instead, I wanted to share my thoughts about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane and how His beautiful and heartbreaking prayers relate to singleness.
Have you been praying in singleness? Have you prayed for a spouse? Been on your knees in tears over your latest rejection? Begged God to take your desire for marriage away or to bring back the person you thought you would marry? Have you lied awake at night feeling utterly alone and gotten nothing but silence from God?
I call these Gethsemane moments.
Emotional exhaustion, uncertainty of the future and desperation for God to change the outcome are defining factors of Gethsemane moments. Jesus had the first Gethsemane moment hours before being betrayed and arrested.
There is an obvious distinction between praying in singleness and Jesus praying in the garden.
Singleness is not death.
Jesus was facing literal death.
However, there are still things to learn and apply to your singleness from Jesus’ emotional pleas in the garden.
First, read through the passage I’m referencing:
Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”1
Matthew 26:36-46
Jesus’ Gethsemane moment demonstrates 5 applications for praying in singleness.
1. Honesty
“My soul is very sorrowful, even to death”. This was the most honest, human moment for Jesus and I think that’s why it impacts me so much. Jesus experienced deep grief to the point He sweat drops like blood and thought He was going to die. Anguish, agony, distress and troubled are used to describe His Gethsemane moment. These were heavy emotions and Jesus didn’t hide them from God, He was completely genuine.
When you are feeling the weight of singleness, fall on your face in prayer like Jesus. Be honest with how you are doing and what you wish would change. God already knows, but it’s incredibly therapeutic to pour your heart out to Him verbally.
2. Persistence
I had not really picked up on it before, but Jesus prays THREE times for an outcome other than painful death. My takeaway from this is don’t stop praying in singleness. Jesus kept going back to God with the same request even though He wasn’t getting an answer.
You’ve been honest with God once, that’s great, now keep being honest with Him. Pray persistently no matter how unlikely your requests are or how silly they seem to you. Even if it doesn’t seem like God is listening, keep praying.
3. God’s Will
When talking about prayer, Christians often quote Psalm 37:4 about God giving you the desires of your heart.3 I think Jesus’ Gethsemane moment is a great example of how when you’re in a close relationship with God, the desire of your heart is for God’s will to be done. Jesus’ desire is obviously for the cup to pass from Him, that is why he asked for it three times.
At first it appears that God did not give Him the desire of His heart. However, Jesus followed up that plea all three times with “but not my will, Yours be done”. This statement revealed the true desire of Jesus’ heart. Jesus wanted God’s will to be done and that’s exactly what He got. It reminds me of the even if life I talked about in my post: Even If I’m Single Forever. Believing that God could change the outcome, but trusting in Him even when He doesn’t.
Be honest with yourself, what is the actual desire of your heart? Anything outside of God’s will is a misplaced priority. It’s not necessarily a bad desire (like Jesus not wanting to die, or in your case marriage) but God has to be first. I remember listening to the song Take the World, but Give Me Jesus and crying on my floor because God revealed parts of my world I didn’t want to let God take. It’s not easy to completely surrender to God’s will.
4. Answers
There is no record of God talking to Jesus at this moment. God talked to Jesus directly at His baptism and the transfiguration but not when Jesus was in pain and desperate. The indirect answer to Jesus’ prayers came when Judas still arrived on the scene to betray Him. I’m sure Jesus was not surprised to see Judas, He knew there was no other way. Do I know why God didn’t answer or encourage Him directly? No. Do I believe God was listening and deeply loved His Son? Yes. Do I believe God listens to you and deeply loves you? Absolutely. In Luke’s account of this moment he says an angel from heaven appeared to Jesus to strengthen Him.2 Even in God’s apparent silence, He is working.
When you feel like God isn’t answering your prayers, keep praying in singleness. You can look back and write down the requests God has granted you over the years. In situations where it seemed He was absent, ask God to show you the ways He has worked and how He is present in current difficult circumstances.
5. Community
Jesus didn’t hide His emotions from His community. There is a fear many of us experience that prevents us from expressing our emotions. To generalize, women fear coming off as too much to handle, men fear being perceived as weak and weird. Jesus did not have those fears. Jesus told His friends honestly how deep His sorrow was and asked them to join Him in prayer. They failed at that, but your community also needs the opportunity to come alongside you in prayer over your rejection, loneliness, and grief in singleness. When they fail (because people do) they need to be given the opportunity again. Jesus came back three times to ask for prayer, even though his close friends kept falling asleep.
If you’re currently in a Gethsemane moment, reach out to a trusted friend or mentor. Tell them how you are truly feeling and pray together.
We all have Gethsemane moments in singleness. Moments where we are desperate to feel the presence and peace of God, wishing the pain would go away, or begging God for a situation to change. Jesus demonstrated what to do in these moments; trust in God’s will while persistently bringing your honest requests to God and your community.
Don’t get stuck in your Gethsemane moment.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so you could wallow in your emotions and spend your life waiting for a spouse. Harsh, but true. Jesus died on a cross to repair your relationship with God, make you a new creation and give you ABUNDANT life!
Follow Jesus’ example and move through your Gethsemane moments with unwavering faith in God and His plans.
Live your life,
Mindy
References:
- Matthew 26:36-46. The Bible. English Standard Version, Crossway, 2001.
- Luke 22:43. The Bible. English Standard Version, Crossway, 2001.
- Psalm 37:4. The Bible. English Standard Version, Crossway, 2001.
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