There have been so many times as a single that I have felt restless. You know that feeling when you’re writing an exam and you KNOW the answer to the question but you can’t recall it at the moment? That’s restlessness to me. It feels like I know the answer to life but it’s currently missing. It would be easy to blame my restlessness on a missing spouse, but I know marriage won’t complete me. When I dug deeper, I finally realized the times I felt restless was because I forgot my purpose in singleness. I unplugged from purpose and plugged into laziness, loneliness, jealousy and feeling left behind. 

Have You Unplugged From Purpose?

A lack of purpose in singleness may look like being in the career you’ve wanted since you were a child but now wondering why you’re doing it. Or you could feel like something is missing, and you’re tired of being alone, so you search desperately for a spouse. Maybe you simply struggle to get out of bed in the morning because you’ve got lost in the monotony of daily life. These represent not a singleness problem but a purpose problem.

4 Purposes in Singleness

Knowing your purpose solves a lot of the negative emotions we feel in singleness. For me, reconnecting with my purpose is the number one thing that helps me get rid of that restless feeling and live abundantly. When I’m living out my purpose with God and community, I know there’s no answer I’m missing. I can always lean into my purpose to motivate, direct and encourage me. In fact, there’s not one, but four God-given purposes we all have.

1. Glorify God

God created everything, including people, and everything belongs to Him. Since creation, people’s purpose has been stewarding the world and our lives in a way that brings glory to God. Our lives are not about us, they’re about God. So there’s a way we can live that praises and magnifies God’s attributes not our own. 

No matter what I’m doing in singleness, I want to be doing it to glorify God. If that is your focus too, it gives you purpose in singleness. When you work a 9-5 job, work at it for the glory of God. If you date, date in a way that honours God. When you travel, bring glory to God during your trips. Glorifying God is all of creation’s basic purpose.   

2. Love God, Love People

You are probably familiar with the words “love God and love people”. They come from a passage in Matthew when the Pharisees asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was. Jesus responded, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’”¹ The top two commandments are both about love, which makes love one of our purposes. 

It is by love that Jesus says people will recognize His followers. Which means this is an important purpose of ours. Even though as singles we more often hear about love in reference to dating and spouses, you can fulfill this purpose in singleness. Loving a spouse is not the commandment. In singleness (and even marriage) your purpose is to love God and love your neighbour (the people around you). Love, even the romantic kind, is selfless, serving, and sacrificial. Learning how to love God and people in this way will give you purpose in singleness, and even prepare you to love a spouse sacrificially too!

3. Bear Fruit

From creation to Jesus’ words to the fruit of the Spirit, bearing fruit is a theme throughout the Bible. In John 15 Jesus refers to Himself as the true vine and believers as the branches.¹ He goes on to say that branches that don’t bear fruit are cut off from the vine, AKA Jesus. Ouch! If bearing fruit is how we stay connected to Jesus, this must be a vital purpose for believers. 

Using fruit metaphorically to mean actions or deeds, is common in scripture. You can frequently tell by one’s actions whether they truly follow Jesus or just say they are a Christian. Believers are saved by FAITH and faith leads to FRUIT that points people to Jesus. Producing this fruit is impossible without being connected to Jesus. 

Branches that do bear fruit aren’t promised an easy life, they’re told they’ll be pruned. Maybe our singleness is a pruning time so we can bear more fruit in coming years.  No matter what, we know as believers we are meant to abide in Christ and bear fruit for the glory of God. 

4. Make Disciples 

Make disciples comes from Jesus’ final words on earth, the Great Commission: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”²

The most impactful way to love people, glorify God and bear fruit, is to tell people about Jesus and disciple them to become disciple-makers. Which makes this the greatest purpose of all. That may seem like a lot of pressure but take heart, Jesus is with you always. If you want to change the world, tell people about Jesus. You may one day leave the country to make disciples, but for now you can fulfill this purpose with the people already in your circle. 

What You Were Made For

These are your purposes, the reason you were created, what you were designed to do, why you’re on earth and live where you live… they’re a big deal. Knowing your purpose in singleness is especially important because there’s a tendency to make singleness a waiting season. The feelings of restlessness, loneliness, confusion, and feeling left behind are common in singleness. Living out your purpose reduces those feelings and provides motivation. 

If you don’t believe me, try it! Take the next week to focus on just ONE of your four purposes and do the following: 

• Read what you can about it. 
• Choose a Bible verse reminder to put on your mirror and memorize. 
• Strategize how to make the purpose you chose more of a priority in your life. 
• Talk and brainstorm with friends about living out your purpose. Chances are you are not the only one in your community who struggles with a lack of purpose. 

Purpose Does Not Begin With Marriage

If you think you can’t fulfill these purposes in singleness… to be blunt, you are wrong. These purposes weren’t given to married people specifically. Paul even says it’s easier for singles to focus on their purpose with undivided attention.³ So you, yes YOU have an active role to play in God’s plans for earth. The actions you take in singleness form you and the people around you. You are a part of human history. How wild is that?  

However, your time is limited. The dash between dates on your tombstone represents your entire life. If that dash involves you living out your purpose in singleness, then you are building God’s Kingdom, bringing honour and praise to Him, and pointing people to Jesus. It means your dash will impact the world. 

I know it’s tempting to sit back, wait for a spouse and say “tomorrow”, because I did that for years. But, for all you sports fans, singleness is not your preseason⁴. These are not the days of feeling things out, testing line combinations, and playing preseason games that don’t count towards the standings. As singles, we’re in the regular season: the games matter, we’re playing hard, and working towards our goal now! We can win the Stanley Cup by living out our purpose in singleness. 

Live your life,

Mindy

References

1. Matthew 22:37-40. The Bible. New Revised Standard Version, Updated Edition, Zondervan, 2022.
2. John 15:1-8. The Bible. New Revised Standard Version, Updated Edition, Zondervan, 2022.
3. Matthew 28:18-20. The Bible. New Revised Standard Version, Updated Edition, Zondervan, 2022.
4. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. The Bible. New Revised Standard Version, Updated Edition, Zondervan, 2022.
5. Tomlin, Kait, host. “Single Shaming With Courtney Leo.” Heart of Dating, Pocket Casts app, 29 November 2023.